Why There’s No ‘Just’ in Parenting (and Other Tales from the Chaos)

Oops!…I Heard It Again…

(Hopefully, you’re reading that to the beat of the Britney Spears song—because I certainly was when I wrote it.)

In my world, “always” is a rare word. There’s a lot more “more often than not,” especially when it comes to my kids and their uncanny ability to create a mess the second I finish cleaning. It’s like they have a sixth sense for when the floors are spotless and need crumbs. But last week, I experienced an always. It caught me by surprise, and since it’s been on my mind, I thought, why not share?

Without fail, when chatting with two moms I just met after yoga today, something interesting happened. Two of us discovered we both have four kids—but with the exact opposite gender order. I have three girls and then a boy; she has three boys and then a girl. It was like a cosmic high-five from the universe. I joked that I’ve only met one other mom with the reverse order and the same number of kids, and that’s saying a lot because, believe me, I meet a lot of moms. They’re everywhere—school, activities, events, social media. It’s like we all signed an unspoken mom membership card.

The funny part? She was convinced her last pregnancy would bring twin boys. Instead, she hit the jackpot with a girl. I shared how my mother-in-law had eight boys only to end with—you guessed it—twin boys. We laughed, mostly in disbelief, because seriously, what are the odds?

For my part, I was 100% certain my fourth would be another girl. Everything about the pregnancy felt like déjà vu with my first three. Plus, my dad’s side of the family is practically a girl factory—no boys in sight. So, naturally, we had a boy. Surprise!

People love to assume we kept going because we “wanted a boy.” Nope. Not even close. My husband wasn’t on some secret mission for an heir to the family name. We just wanted a big, noisy, chaotic family—and boy, did we get it.

That’s not to say another girl wouldn’t have been simpler. Imagine the hand-me-down savings! One shared room instead of two! And don’t get me started on the diaper-changing escapades of parenting a boy (pro tip: always have a shield). But, as life often proves, the harder path is usually the one that leads to the best stories.

Anyway, back to my story. After our laugh about pregnancy surprises, I turned to the third mom in our little group and asked how many kids she had. Her response?

“Oh, I just have two.”

Cue the record scratch.

Now, I’m not here to judge—I promise!—but I do want to talk about something that tends to fly under the radar. Why do we do this? Why do we add a just to our parenting accomplishments?

There’s no “just” when it comes to raising humans. Each one of those little tornadoes (sorry, children) demands love, attention, snacks every 10 minutes, and the ability to keep a straight face when they say something completely absurd at the dinner table. Whether you’re raising one, two, or eight kids, it’s a labor of love—and snacks.

I get it, though. Maybe it’s comparison or humility, or just trying to relate to someone who seems to have “more” on their plate. But here’s the truth: no matter how many kids you have, the job is monumental. We’re all trying to keep tiny humans alive, happy, and reasonably clean. That’s worth celebrating, no qualifiers needed.

So, to all the parents out there—whether you have one kid or enough to field a soccer team—drop the “just.” You’re doing amazing.

Now, I’d love to hear from you! What’s something funny, unexpected, or downright unbelievable about your parenting journey? Drop it in the comments or share your story—I promise, no “just” allowed. Let’s celebrate the chaos together!

Until next time, may your coffee stay hot, your floors stay clean (for at least five minutes), and your kids give you just enough chaos to keep life interesting. You’ve got this!

Kelly