This week, I’m turning 40. Forty. It has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it? A weight, a significance, a… well, let’s be honest, a slight sense of "Wow, where did the time go?" It got me thinking about milestone birthdays in general and why these particular years seem to loom larger than others. I mean, nobody throws a huge bash for 37 and a half, right? (Unless you're really into fractions, I guess.)
We all know the usual suspects: 16 (driving, freedom, or, you know, parallel parking anxiety.), 18 (adulthood, responsibilities, and suddenly remembering to pay bills.), 21 (celebrations, well legally, though let's be real, we were probably celebrating before.), 30 (officially a grown-up, right? Time to invest in sensible shoes… or not!), and then… 40, 50, 60, and so on. These aren't just arbitrary numbers; they're cultural markers, social signposts that tell us we're crossing into new territories of life.
Why the Fuss?
Milestone birthdays are more than just another trip around the sun. They're built-in moments for reflection. They force us (in a good way!) to take stock:
Time Check: They're a stark reminder of the passage of time. It's a chance to look back at where we've been, what we've accomplished, and how much we've grown (or haven't!). Did I really think those tearaway pants (for those of you who don’t remember, they were the rip of track pants and oh they had so many buttons) were a good idea? Maybe that is why I despise newborn onesies with buttons. Let's just say I have a strong opinion on infant dressing and what makes absolutely no sense.
Life Stage Transitions: These birthdays often coincide with significant life changes. Starting a career at 21, settling down in your 30s (or still figuring it out!), perhaps career shifts or family changes in your 40s, or retirement in your 60s (hello, early bird specials!). These transitions naturally make those birthdays feel more important.
Social Expectations: Society often attaches certain expectations to certain ages. This can create pressure, but it can also provide a framework for understanding our place in the world. Although, honestly, I'm starting to think "expectations" are just suggestions at this point.
Celebration and Connection: Milestone birthdays are fantastic excuses to gather with loved ones, celebrate our lives, and strengthen the bonds that matter most. Plus, cake. Let's not forget the cake.
The 4-0 Factor
So, why does 40 feel particularly… weighty? For many, especially women, it's a confluence of factors:
The "M" Word (Middle Age): While the concept of "middle age" is constantly being redefined (is it 40? 50? 80? Who knows!), 40 has traditionally been associated with it. This can bring up anxieties about aging, even though 40 is hardly "old." It's more like "expert level adulting."
Biological Shifts: For women, 40 can be a time of hormonal changes and shifts in fertility, adding another layer of significance. It’s like Mother Nature’s way of saying, “Hey, remember you have a body? Here’s a reminder.”
Re-evaluation and Prioritization: By 40, many of us have experienced a fair amount of life. We may find ourselves re-evaluating our priorities, deciding what truly matters, and making adjustments accordingly. Like, maybe it's finally time to learn how to say "no."
The "Over the Hill" Narrative: I remember hearing the adults in my life saying, turning 40, you're "over the hill." I vividly remember seeing the 40th birthday "over the hill" party decorations at the local party stores. I didn't understand it as a kid. I think that's why I remember it so clearly. This negative messaging has unfortunately persisted in some circles (especially amongst women), adding another layer of anxiety to this milestone.
The Question of "Enough"
And here's where it gets real. As I approach 40, that little voice pops up: Have I done enough? But then, as I dive deeper into that reflection, I wonder: Enough of what? Who’s keeping score, anyway? And why does it even matter? Is there a cosmic scorecard somewhere? Because I definitely haven't seen it.
But Here’s the Good News…
Despite that small flicker of self-doubt (which I’m pretty sure is just the sugar from all the pre-birthday sweets talking), I'd say 95% of me is incredibly excited and looking forward to what comes next. The narrative around 40 is changing. It's not about decline; it's about redefining. It's about:
Embracing Wisdom: We’ve learned a lot in 40 years! We have experiences, resilience, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. We've also learned which hairstyles definitely don't work.
Prioritizing Authenticity: We’re less concerned with what others think and more focused on living a life that’s true to ourselves. If I want to wear mismatched socks, I’m going to wear mismatched socks.
Celebrating Achievements: We’ve accomplished so much! This is a time to acknowledge our successes and be proud of who we are. Even if that accomplishment is just keeping tiny humans alive for several years. That’s a win!
Looking Forward: 40 isn't the halfway point; it’s the beginning of a new, exciting chapter. It’s like leveling up in a video game, except instead of new weapons, we get better self-awareness and the ability to say no to things we don’t want to do.
My Own 40th Reflection
As I approach this milestone, I’m choosing to embrace it. I’m grateful for the experiences that have shaped me, the lessons I’ve learned, and the people I share my life with. I’m excited for what the next chapter holds. That little 5% of questioning is just a reminder to stay present, to keep growing, and to keep living intentionally. And I am choosing to interpret that little 5% of questioning as a healthy dose of self-reflection.
My husband jokingly says I’ve been practicing for my golden years for more than 20 years. Growing up watching Murder, She Wrote (still a fan!), loving crocheting, and having a secret passion for bingo… I was born to be the queen of the retirement home!
So, whether you’re approaching a milestone birthday yourself or simply reflecting on the ones you’ve passed, remember this: these birthdays are opportunities. Opportunities to celebrate, reflect, and look forward with hope and excitement. They’re a reminder that life is a journey, not a race, and every stage has its own unique beauty.
What are your thoughts on milestone birthdays? What has been your most memorable one and why? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Here’s to Forty: The new 20... with better wine and a slightly higher tolerance for chaos,
Kelly
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