Snuggles and Support: A New Mom's Best Friends

Last weekend, on my way to pick up the kids from church childcare, I noticed a baby nestled comfortably in his mom’s arms. His eyes sparkled as if he'd just been soothed by her loving embrace, and the sight tugged at my heart. I turned to my friend and laughed, saying, “It’s time for you to have another baby so I can sneak in some of those baby snuggles!” She laughed too, playfully agreeing.

As we chatted, I mentioned a program at a local hospital where volunteers can hold babies who need extra care and attention. She said, “Let’s do it!.” Without missing a beat, I said, “I love holding babies. It’s one of my favorite things in the world—just like snuggling puppies.”

Those moments of holding my own little ones were pure joy, but now that my youngest is becoming more independent and far less interested in being held, I find myself missing those quiet moments of connection. When my baby was younger, I’d often ask my friend if I could hold her little one, who was just a few weeks younger than mine. It became a sweet routine, filling the gap as my baby started wriggling out of my arms.

I remember someone once teasing me, asking, “Why would anyone with four little kids of their own want to hold another baby?” I laughed, but the answer was simple: there’s something magical about holding a baby. It’s a moment of pure presence, love, and warmth that can’t quite be explained—only felt.

Later, in a rare, quiet moment of reflection while doing the dishes, I realized something else. I’ve always tried to be the kind of person who asks a new mom what she needs and wants, then helps based on that. In addition to cooking meals or setting up meal trains, I’d check in and see how I could lighten her load in those early days. The challenge, however, is that many new moms can’t or won’t ask for help. Like I did, they often feel the pressure to do it all on their own. But we shouldn’t have to. Having had four kids myself, I remember how everyone wanted to come hold the baby—and who could blame them? It’s the absolute best. But only a handful of people offered to help with the other essential tasks: cooking, cleaning, entertaining older siblings, or simply holding space for me as I adjusted to life with a new baby.

I was lucky to have two incredible grandmas in my corner, which is more than many moms get. My mom’s favorite thing when she came to visit was playing with the older kids. She’s even more creative than I am and loved diving into their favorite arts and crafts projects. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, enjoys cooking and sleeping with babies. When she visited, she prepared all the meals and took night shifts with the baby so I could get some much-needed rest. Their help was invaluable.

Still, most others just wanted those baby snuggles. Don’t get me wrong—on the rare occasion someone held the baby long enough for me to take an uninterrupted shower, I was beyond grateful. But looking back, I realize how much more helpful it would’ve been to have consistent support with the everyday demands of life.

As much as I love holding babies, I’ve decided that going forward, I’ll focus on helping new moms with what they truly need. Whether it’s cleaning, entertaining older siblings, or giving them a chance to enjoy a few moments of uninterrupted snuggles, I want to make a difference where it matters. And, of course, if there are any extra baby snuggles to go around, I’ll happily take some.

I also came to understand something about myself in that quiet moment. As much as I adored baby snuggles, I didn’t always fully savor them. I held my babies a lot—probably more than most—but I often handed them over to my husband so I could keep the house running: cleaning, doing laundry, preparing meals… all the things that don’t stop when a newborn enters the picture.

And I’ll admit, I was way too OCD about germs and cleanliness in those early days. With my first baby, I hand-washed the floors of our 2,000-square-foot home every other day, washed the tummy time mat after every session (sometimes 8–12 a day!), and stressed over countless other things that I later realized weren’t necessary.

At the time, I didn’t know any better. My first baby had been readmitted to the hospital on day five with a low temperature. We stayed for a week, and in the end, the doctors never gave us a clear answer as to what had happened. Watching them attempt multiple failed spinal taps on my tiny newborn was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. The combination of being a first-time mom, the stress of the hospital stay, and my preexisting OCD—heightened by postpartum anxiety—created the perfect storm.

Now, with hindsight, I wish I could go back and tell myself to let go of the unnecessary worries. The laundry could wait. The floors didn’t need to sparkle. What mattered most was soaking up those fleeting moments of connection.

So, to new moms reading this, I hope you give yourself permission to prioritize those quiet moments with your baby, even when everything else feels like it demands your attention. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it.

I’m not suggesting that finding time to snuggle your baby is simple—it isn’t. Life with a newborn is chaotic, demanding, and often overwhelming. But I do wish I had intentionally made more time for those moments of pure connection. I hope this resonates with at least one new mom out there.

It’s especially challenging to prioritize snuggles without a village—the elusive one everyone talks about, but no one really explains how to find. My husband and I had at least one baby in every place we lived after getting married: Texas, New York, and Virginia (two here). In each place, we were new to town, having lived there less than a year before our baby arrived. Without family, friends, or a sense of community, we were forced to figure it out on our own.

For six months during COVID, though, we got a glimpse of what it felt like to have that village. Our second daughter, was born in March 2020. When I went into the hospital, I barely knew anything about COVID. Two days later, I emerged into a completely different world: empty shelves, panicked news reports, and overwhelming uncertainty.

A few days after she was born, we made the difficult decision to leave New York and move in with my parents. We thought we’d stay just a few weeks while things settled down. Boy, were we wrong.

As hard as those months were—having a newborn during a global pandemic, living in my parents’ guest house, and navigating my heightened OCD tendencies—it was the best six months of having a newborn we’ve ever experienced.

For the first time, we had a taste of the village everyone talks about. We were in lockdown, leaving the house only for groceries or newborn checkups. My parents did an incredible job helping with our older daughter. She became the center of their world, making the transition to big sister much smoother. Everyone pitched in. We truly worked as a team, and because of that, I got more of those sweet, uninterrupted baby snuggles. My husband was able to work uninterrupted during the day and be more hands-on at night. For the first time, I wasn’t alone all day with a newborn, which had been a challenge during my first postpartum experience.

Looking back, I’m so grateful for that time. It gave me a deeper understanding of just how crucial support is for new moms. Having someone help with the older kids, cook a meal, or even just sit and chat while you nurse—it makes a world of difference. It’s not that the chaos disappears, but you feel less alone in it.

So, if you’re a new mom reading this, I hope you give yourself permission to prioritize those snuggles, even when it feels like everything else is demanding your attention. And if you’re supporting a new mom, offer help with the practical stuff—cleaning, cooking, or watching the older kids—so she can have those quiet moments with her baby.

And yes, if there are any extra baby snuggles to go around, I’ll always happily take some.

Calling all moms: What were your favorite things that people did for you in those newborn days? I’d love to hear your thoughts—whether it was someone cooking a meal, helping with laundry, or just offering a listening ear. Those little acts of kindness can make all the difference!

Your Certified Snuggle Lover,

Kelly